A Blue Flame

Dreams. 

We all have them.

Do you know what yours is?

How do we find out what it is, if we don't know?

I was reading a book recently by Jennifer Fulwiler, called, 'One Beautiful Dream.' She had gotten lost in a world of mothering. I can relate. I have seven children; twelve and under. I have spent the last twelve years telling myself to wait. That I am doing "the greater good" of pouring everything I have into my children. But, if you pour everything you have into someone else...pretty soon, you're going to be all used up. Unless, you have something to pour back into yourself. 

What is that thing that you pour back in? Jennifer, in her book, called it a "blue flame." It is that thing that ignites a fire in you when you do it. It is the way that you were created to connect to the world. When you get "in the zone" and you feel an energy coursing through your body unlike any other. You would miss a meal or three. You would give up sleep for it. 

For me, it's words. 

Words have always been my way to relate to the world. I read all the words; wherever I can find them. Occasionally, I get the opportunity to add my words to the collective narrative and there is no greater rush. When it comes together and just feels right, I know that this what I'm supposed to be doing for the rest of my days. 

I've written here and there every so often. Kept notes on my phone for stories. Written a few things for various organizations that I've been a part of. The odd Facebook post or response. Even flushing out longer stories and books that I've kept squirreled away to myself. But, it always stops just short of actually reaching my dream. I've researched agents and publishers. I've typed up letters, but never sent them. 

Why? 

Fear. 

Fear that someone will read what I have shaped with my heart's blood and turn it down; say that it's not good enough. 

In the last few weeks, I've read several books that are all telling me the same thing. 

Even if no one else on the planet gets what I'm trying to say, I still need to say. I need to get it out. It is life affirming and will refill part of what I pour out. 

So, we're doing this. 

We're going to commit to getting the words out. Trying the blog. Documenting the process of putting myself out there. 

Let's see what happens.